Comparing Profiles
Which lead does a better job of making the reader want to read the story and why?
"The only thing she wanted as her going away present was a bookshelf."
This lead had me hooked immediately, leading me to ask so many questions with a short, snappy line. Who is she? Why a bookshelf? What about it would make one wanna lug it to a new place? All this in a few words.
In contrast, the other lead belabored the point and told me answers I wasn't asking for and assumed me to make assumptions that I would not have. Also, "...and it is easy to be wrong." has a sneering, smarmy quality to it that it has not earned.
Identify the quote you like the best in each story.
Profile on Codi Mills: “It was the greatest Tetris game of my life,” said Codi Mills, about fitting all the books she purchased in one bag.
Profile on Nick Esposito: “It’s like comparing dinosaur bones to modern day birds,” Esposito said. “Classic Rock was the precursor for everything that we have now.”
Which story do you like better and why?
I liked the profile on Codi Mills better. It tells the story efficiently, but without losing its heart. The details presented about Mills' life peppered throughout the story were compelling and made for a quick, fun read.
"The only thing she wanted as her going away present was a bookshelf."
This lead had me hooked immediately, leading me to ask so many questions with a short, snappy line. Who is she? Why a bookshelf? What about it would make one wanna lug it to a new place? All this in a few words.
In contrast, the other lead belabored the point and told me answers I wasn't asking for and assumed me to make assumptions that I would not have. Also, "...and it is easy to be wrong." has a sneering, smarmy quality to it that it has not earned.
Identify the quote you like the best in each story.
Profile on Codi Mills: “It was the greatest Tetris game of my life,” said Codi Mills, about fitting all the books she purchased in one bag.
Profile on Nick Esposito: “It’s like comparing dinosaur bones to modern day birds,” Esposito said. “Classic Rock was the precursor for everything that we have now.”
Which story do you like better and why?
I liked the profile on Codi Mills better. It tells the story efficiently, but without losing its heart. The details presented about Mills' life peppered throughout the story were compelling and made for a quick, fun read.
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